In Online Advertising, Ducks In A Row Always Do Better Than Sharks

Like everybody else these days, we do a lot of thinking about creating more effective online advertising - not to mention an ungodly amount of worrying and fretting. Recently, though, by simply keeping our eyes open, we got an interesting insight in a very unlikely place.

A Northwestern drugstore chain was looking to burnish its image and figured some web videos might do the trick. They arranged a store tour for us in a town suffering from rain so perpetually cold and miserable, not even the ducks outside the store looked all that happy.

"We're a chain, but each store has it's own brand of old-fashioned individuality!" said the marketing director, a fellow in Gap khakis and the whitest shirt we had ever seen. "For instance, we still carry the aspirin brand your great-grandfather took!"

We almost said it was likely these very same aspirin killed our great-grandfather in his prime, but figure it might strain the agency-client relationship. So we meekly followed White Shirt Guy to the "natural cure" section. That's when we saw it.

"Sharks Never Get Cancer".

A Great White in all its toothy, menacing glory stood atop a neat stack of pill bottles. Our guide whispered "Huge, huge seller!" and hustled us over to Aisle Five - shampoos and hair colorings.

We followed him, but our minds stayed with the shark. We thought, in a store, you get away with "Sharks Never Get Cancer". A shopper sees it and figures, heck sharks are almost impossible to kill. It took a giant explosion to kill Jaws! Which is why the consumer then takes out ten bucks and slaps it on the counter, assured of eternal life.

But instead of a store, let's say that the shark appears on a webpage. Instead of taking out your wallet, you zip over to Google, and see "Discovery of Shark Cancers Casts More Doubt on Cartilage Pills." Your credit card is safely tucked back into your pocket.

Maybe it was incessant quacking outside the store, but we thought of something great-grandfather used to say (before the aspirin got him): "You gotta get your ducks in a row." In his day, buyers needed all the facts neatly lined up before laying their hard-earned simoleans down.

When selling online, anything vaguely suspicious gets googled, Digged, Twittered - followed by Brian, Katie and Diane harpooning it on national TV.

All of which is why writing for the web means exposing those facts - real and tangible - before posting any scary pictures of a shark!

Now that's NOT to say that tons of shark cartilage isn't sold on the web or via spam. (There are still lots of people who don't Google and also think Jaws survived that explosion! There was a Jaws 2 and 3!)

But, if you're writing advertising for the web, remember this: nine times out of ten, The Ducks, neatly lined up, are going to beat The Sharks.